Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
