Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When are your genitals available?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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