3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize