He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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