How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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