i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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