Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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