You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
