Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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