I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
