you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
