Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
