reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
