I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
