dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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