Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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