If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
