the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
