i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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