I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
