if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize