these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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