do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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