Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
