Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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