Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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