i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
