Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
