i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm getting married
To pizza
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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