You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I touched a dick in church today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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