i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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