he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
