Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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