Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize