First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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