first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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