I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize