mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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