yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
