You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
