it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
