guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
smell my finger.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
