He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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