I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
