Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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