My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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