The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
