WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pooping to opera.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
