I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
