She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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