2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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