You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's always time for handjobs
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
