you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
