I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize