I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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