You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
