No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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