white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
