dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
