kristin has been a bad kristin
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
