but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
