Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
