Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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