Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
