If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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