dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
