You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
