It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
