I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
