I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize