Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
